I often embark on my personal journey, revisiting past entries, and responding to them to gauge any shifts in my perspective. The underlying aim is to embrace varied viewpoints and offer a response, even in the absence of a specific question. Here’s an entry dated: November, 18 2022

“I find myself in a state of uncertainty, unsure of how things will unfold.

Today, everything feels different. There’s a looming shadow that tempts me to surrender. I’m no stranger to this sensation; I’ve grown accustomed to the feeling of hopelessness. But I persevere, and somewhere along the journey, I stumble upon a fresh wellspring of hope, rich and abundant.

I’m still on the quest to discover this wellspring. Lately, I’ve been contemplating love, or the complex narrative surrounding it, interwoven with various elements. I once thought I might find my hope there, within the written words that flow from my subconscious desires. But what if that well has run dry? What if I’ve exhausted all that it held?

I struggle to find hope in the prospect of a better outcome than what already exists. To me, this implies that acceptance of the present reality is the way forward.

However, the universe seems to suggest otherwise.

I’ve been yearning to express myself through writing, seeking solace in these words. Yet, there’s a part of me that feels hollow. What’s disconcerting is that expressing this emptiness through writing only serves to magnify its presence.

I’ve been discussing the concept of self-sovereignty and the importance of comprehending every facet of one’s self. A few weeks ago, while listening to London Grammar, these lyrics struck me: “All that we are, all that we need. They’re different things. Or maybe what we are and what we need are different things.”

I realized that I’ve been echoing these sentiments since the beginning of the year. Clarity hit me like a sudden epiphany, exposing my distorted self-understanding.

Thoughts, feelings, and emotions possess the power to pull us away from our center. The challenge lies in rediscovering that center.

In the face of such emptiness, how do we locate our center once more?”

Intriguingly, the last line of this journal entry forms a question. To my astonishment, upon revisiting it, I’ve realized that I possessed the answer all along, even when I initially penned this entry.

It’s essential to grasp that I can and will only provide an answer to this question for myself.

When confronted with emptiness, instead of seeking external sources to fill the void, my focus should have centered on uncovering something within myself.

As humans, we occasionally forget that we must put in the effort to truly understand ourselves, just as we do with others. Many claim to be self-aware, yet they spend little time introspecting their own existence.

I pose a question: What about those who do invest in self-discovery? How do they still find themselves lost, both within themselves and in the world?

I acknowledge that there are moments when I yearn to be anyone but myself, times when I perceive more in others than I believe I could ever see within myself. The straightforward response is that it’s easier to perceive depth in others. However, when the desire arises to explore every facet of your existence, we often draw blanks, even for those who consider themselves self-aware. Why? Because we’re human, and self-awareness is an ongoing journey, a process that requires continuous exploration and nurturing.

I’ve come to realize that when I look beyond myself and compare my life to others, it’s often driven by a desire to conform, a fear of standing out as someone who hasn’t achieved enough. This idea, rooted in human nature, is limiting, yet it’s a tendency we all share. We tend to gauge our progress in life based on the people around us, albeit this is a futile metric.

Once again, this is what I’ve learned about myself from my perspective.

I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I permit myself to want and desire the things I truly long for. I’ve chosen to work diligently towards building a life that aligns with my unique standards, allowing myself to indulge in creative pursuits inspired purely by the depths of my heart.